Because the only other option… was to collapse.
The early years weren’t just hard.
They were relentless.
Lily wouldn’t sleep unless I touched her ankle—like she needed proof I was still there. Nora rejected every bottle unless it was perfectly warm.
I went back to work too soon.
Because grief doesn’t pay for diapers.
When people asked, “Where’s their dad?” I gave them the simplest answer I could survive:
“Unavailable.”
When the twins were six, Lily asked, “Did our dad die?”
I turned off the sink slowly. “Why would you ask that?”
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“Emma said kids only don’t have dads if they die or go to jail.”
Nora chimed in, completely serious, “I said maybe ours lives with a bear.”
I almost laughed.
Almost.
I crouched in front of them. “Your father is alive. He made a selfish choice.”
Lily’s face tightened. “He left us?”
“Yes, baby.”
Nora’s voice softened. “Did he leave you too?”
That question hurt in a different way.
“Yes,” I said quietly. “He left all of us. But I never will.”
Lily crossed her arms. “Then he’s stupid.”
Kids’emotional support
Nora nodded. “And rude, Mama.”
For illustrative purposes only
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At fourteen, Gia tried to reappear.
Not with words.
With money.
A birthday card addressed only to “the girls.” A check tucked neatly inside.
Lily opened it first. “Well, that’s rude.”
Nora looked at the number and inhaled sharply. “That’s also… a lot of money.”
I tore it in half.
Clean. Final.
“Mama,” Nora said softly. “That was a lot of money.”
“Yes,” I said. “And this is a lot of principle. She hasn’t been part of your lives. She doesn’t get to start now.”
Lily leaned back. “I respect that… but I’d like to point out that college exists. And it’s expensive.”
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I pointed at her. “Do not be reasonable with me when I am making a point.”
They both smiled.
I laughed with them.
Then cried later.
Quietly.
Alone.
There were things I never told them.
Bills I stared at too long.
The week I thought we might lose the house.
The medical charge that just… disappeared after Nora hurt her knee.
I called those things luck.
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Because I didn’t have the strength to ask what they really were.
And then suddenly—
Time moved.
One moment I was cutting grapes in half…
