“I don’t know.” His voice cracked. “He looked mad.”
I felt suddenly, horribly awake.
“What happened next?”
Max swallowed. “A lady came.”
“What lady?”
He frowned, struggling. “She looked like you. But not you.”
I remember the exact way the hallway light buzzed above us. The exact smell of baby lotion on my shirt. The exact pressure building in my ears.
“What do you mean she looked like me?”
“Same hair,” he whispered. “Same face shape. But older. And she was crying.”
I told myself he was five. Five-year-olds mix things up. They notice weird details.
They make stories when they’re scared.
Still, my voice came out thin. “Then what?”
Max looked toward the nursery and lowered his voice even more.
“Daddy gave her a big envelope. Like the kind in movies. The fat kind.”
My skin prickled.
“And then?”
“He told me not to look.” Max started crying for real then, quiet and shaking. “But I did.”
I wrapped both arms around him. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”
“No.” He pulled back and looked at me with desperate, red-rimmed eyes. “Mommy, he took the baby from her.”
I froze.
“He took the baby, and she was crying, and he said, ‘This is the only way this works.’”
My mouth went dry. “Did you see the baby’s face?”
Max nodded once. “She had the pink hat. Not the flower hat.”
At the hospital, our daughter had been wearing two little hats the nurses had switched out because of spit-up. One plain pink.
One white with tiny flowers.
I hadn’t told Max that.
I don’t remember what I said next. I know I tucked him into bed. I know I sat beside him until he fell asleep with his fist twisted in my shirt. I know I went downstairs feeling like I was walking through water.
Daniel was in the kitchen making a bottle.
He looked up. “He calm down?”
I leaned against the doorway. “What happened when you took Max to get juice?”
His expression didn’t change right away.
That almost made it worse.
“What?”
“At the hospital.”
“We got juice.”
“Max said you went down another hallway.”
Daniel let out a short laugh. “He’s five.”
“He said he saw you with a woman.”
Now his face changed.
Not confusion. Not concern.
